did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
