It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
