Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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