I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize