My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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