if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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