I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
