We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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