I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
