Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
