rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
