I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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