i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
