I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize