Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
