i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
