in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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