I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
