Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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