You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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