fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
