My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
