i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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