Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
