At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
