You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
