If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
