Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize