Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
