when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
