I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
