If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize