Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
