Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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