I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
