It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
