she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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