If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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