My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize