i would punch a child for taco bell
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Less talking, more tequila
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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