You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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