My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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