Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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