Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
