This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The beer is more important than you right now.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
