my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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