You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
