how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
