All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
