You smell like a Billy Joel song
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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