when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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