his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize