Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
