just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize