Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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