I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
