I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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