Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
