But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
