every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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