As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
