:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Text me some of your sweat
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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