Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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