First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize