Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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