I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
