On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
